Jessica Simpson is talking about the amount of crap she is inhaling during her pregnancy. Judging by the picture, she looks to be about 14 months along and is due in the spring. One of her cravings has been buttered Pop Tarts. The image may be terrifying, but Paula Deen is writing that shiz down for her next cookbook.

“I had a buttered Pop-Tart this morning”, the pregnant 31-year-old tells Extra. “I’m eating a lot of stuff that I ate in my childhood. Kraft Mac n’ Cheese, Pop Tarts, Cap n’ Crunch. Everything’s filled with sugar. Everybody comes up to me and asks me, ‘How’s the nausea?’ and I’m like, ‘I don’t have any!’” the singer says, though she’s “definitely eating a lot of Tums — I have the reflux and acid going on.”

I am nauseated just by reading about that mess…and I eat Kahlua Kashi for breakfast and wash it down with Irish Coffee and a Tic Tac. I am surprised I don’t see chewing on McDonald’s golden arches on my way to the liquor store church. I am guessing all the acid comes from her stomach rejecting Cap’n Crunch. The oil slick that is left behind in the milk is enough to make your stomach lead a revolt. (Disclaimer: I am sure the cereal is a fine addition to your breakfast despite the fact it feels like you are eating razors.)

When it comes to the actual birthin’ Jess says she isn’t scared. In this case, ignorance really is bliss.

“I feel like it’s already going to be a shock. Like, ‘Whoa! I just pushed that out!’ You know?”

“Shock.” LOL, girl, I have witnessed the “miracle of birth” and things…rip. Good luck to ya.

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Images Via: Wenn.com

Jess and Creepy Papa Joe Simpson are demanding half a million from magazines in order to be the one who gets to announce the obvious.

“Jessica Simpson is pregnant, but she wouldn’t confirm anything to anyone until she had a magazine deal — for a fee of up to a half-million dollars. Sources told Page Six that Simpson, with the help of her father/manager, Joe Simpson, refused to say she is expecting until she had a deal in place. The singer/fashion designer and mentor on NBC’s “Fashion Star” had been shopping a deal to the celebrity weeklies to announce the news and sell the eventual baby photos. We’re told the Simpsons were asking up to $500,000 to close the deal. “

Remind me, is cashing in on your baby in the book of Genesis or Exodus? I digress, if someone is dumb enough to pay for something that has been reported by every media outlet for the past month and will be undeniable after she craps out this kid…then I say Jess is the true genius here. Well played Simpson. Well played.

Some magazines are reporting that the delay is due to Jess’ indecisive nature when it comes to her second wedding.

“Everything is up in the air,” a source tells Us. “She can’t figure out what kind of day she wants. Some days she wants a big wedding in Hawaii, then other days she wants something closer to home.”

If current rumblings are true, the postponement is actually due to the pregnancy. She wants to have the wedding after the baby arrives. Us is also going with the angle that Simpson may be getting cold feet and that is the reasoning behind her sudden halt in planning.

“But some of the 30-year-old singer’s friends fear the delay is due to more than just venue indecision. ‘She was so gung ho about planning their wedding, and now she’s gone dark,’ says a pal. ‘She won’t commit to a date.’

Or she has a baby friend in her belly. I am going with the bun in the proverbial oven.

Actually, I think the tabloid might have actually gotten this one right. As I mentioned last week, Jessica is the prime candidate for a blind item. Click HERE for that… People mag is also teasing a “big pregnancy announcement” that will be coming in the next few weeks.

Jessica has been scrutinized for her fluctuating weight(corndogs are too damn delicious) and wants to make the baby announcement soon to stop the pudgy pointing. However, she and Eric Johnson want to wait as long as possible to make the announcement to keep their privacy (read as they are still shopping the announcement cover for a higher bidder).

“The 31-year-old singer recently attended the 32nd birthday party of her fiancé, Eric Johnson, where she sent back her glass of champagne for a birthday toast. As it turns out, the pair has something even better to celebrate. A source close to Jessica and Eric tells In Touch the couple is expecting their first child.

‘She’s already having kooky cravings!’ a friend shares, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate — ‘which satisfy her urge for salty and sweet’ — cheese-flavored popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas.”

I am not sure how this is different than her usual Paula Deen Dip It In BUTTAH Diet, but congrats anyway.