TMZ swears on their bank account that Jen and Justin have been shopping for wedding venues on the Greek Island of Crete. One of the hotels that might be entertaining Aniston and her family has loose lips and sources told the media outlet that Jen and Justin Theroux visited the establishment to plan their wedding…

“Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.”

I can’t wait until both camps get married so we can stop hearing about fictional chocolate fountains and plans to sabotage each other circa ‘Bride Wars’ that will all end with cat fight that leads to a breakdown of crying and apologies before giggling about the past in a pile of white organza and silk in the middle of some church.

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Images Via: Wenn.com

Or some shiz like that. I had to make a story about Jennifer Aniston’s thinning hair story as interesting as possible. Because when life gives you lemons you make Lemon Drop Martinis.

The mystery as to why Jennifer Aniston cut her hair into a long bob back in February has been solved. I know you were lying awake at night trying to figure it out. Hmmm…I wonder what the meaning of life is? What is the universe made of? If placebos work, is illness all in the mind? I wonder why Jennifer Aniston cut her hair? Aside from the Brangelina thing she is pretty much a bland biatch. Maybe she got gum stuck in it. You can stop losing sleep over it. Her hair was starting to look too fake.

“The real reason I cut my hair? My real hair was getting thinned out again from all the extensions. It was starting to look fake.”

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Images Via: Wenn.com

Ooo. This is going to be embarrassing for Star. (Point and laugh if you are that type. I am.) Star magazine has a cover emblazoned with a bright yellow bold title screaming that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are married. Too bad Jen adamantly denied being married, pregnant and dressing up her cats in Burberry Baby Bibs (it’s implied) yesterday.

The tabloid either ran the story before fact checking or missed the memo. The details of their faux marriage are based on the fact that Jen didn’t give a her friends a constant play-by-play of her life for a week.

“Everyone is buzzing about Jen and Justin eloping. Jen is always in contact with her friends, but recently she and Justin went MIA for a week, after mentioning their possible elopement. Friends suspect that the pair snuck off to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, for a hush-hush ceremony,” Star adds quoting their loose lipped (and fictional) source as saying, “An extremely intimate beachside wedding in Mexico is exactly what they dreamed of.”

Aniston told reporters at the Hollywood Foreign Press Conference yesterday:

“Rumor Number One. I am not planning to get married any time soon. This ring that I’m wearing is not an engagement ring. I’ve been married once and I don’t know if I’ll get married again, but I can tell you that as of this very moment, as of today, I have no plan to get married. Got that? Okay. And Rumor Number Two, no, we’re not pregnant. It’s just I quit smoking, so I’ve gained a couple of pounds. So – not pregnant and not getting married any time in the near future that I’m aware of. You see? All it takes to get the truth is to ask me!”

Brad Pitt dared to utter a reference to Jennifer Aniston in an interview for Parade magazine. Basically he allegedly alluded to the fact that being married to Jen is as exciting as steamed broccoli. Since Brad opened his beard-hole he has had to backtrack and slap a plethora of I didn’t mean it like that statements.